I Love You Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone edition by Dawn Weber Humor Entertainment eBooks
Download As PDF : I Love You Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone edition by Dawn Weber Humor Entertainment eBooks 
Pesky kids, insane dogs, farting husbands. Some would call these major annoyances. Dawn Weber calls it Monday morning.
But Dawn doesn’t get mad. She gets mobile. That’s right -- she whips out her smartphone, and she takes names.
"I Love You. Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone" is a thoroughly modern concept, a book drafted entirely on a phone. On the bleachers, in the bathroom -- anywhere she could, with any time she could find, Dawn pulled her smartphone from her purse and let her thumbs do the walking, tapping out a side-splitting romp through midlife in the Midwest.
Hey -- she loves her family. She can even tolerate her co-workers. But sometimes, they drive her nuts. They use all the toilet paper. They drink all the coffee. They swipe her stuff and spend her money and talk too loudly. They burp, they fart, and they snore, sometimes simultaneously.
These are the stories Dawn tells in this hilarious humor collection, perfect for any woman who’s busy and frazzled and ready for a break. "I Love You. Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone" is a fast-paced, raunchy, guilty pleasure, just like a nice box of wine.
I Love You Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone edition by Dawn Weber Humor Entertainment eBooks
Review: I Love You. Now Go Away: Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone, by Dawn WeberFunny. Charming. A little naughty (Chapter 55: "There's an app for that. Yes, That."). A little nice (Chapter 7: "Love Stinks. At Least, Ours Does.").
Readers — especially moms — will identify with Dawn Weber’s existential and hilarious angst as she blogs us through the diary of a not-so-mad Midwestern housewife who really only wants some alone time, wine, and chocolate. Uniquely written on a smart phone in quick-take chapters, this book is a must for anyone who needs a laugh that can be gotten while stuck in traffic, or waiting for food in a restaurant.
Some of my favorite parts? Parts that actually made me laugh out loud?:
"As much as I grouse about putting on pants and a bra, driving to the office and sitting in my cubicle every day, there were times I worked much harder for far less pay. Far, FAR, less pay. I refer to those times as the 80s“ (page 121).
"I borrowed his umbrella., broke it, then stuffed it back in his drawer. I figured he wouldn't notice. My buddy Al -- it was his umbrella. Al is my coworker, a 6'4" black man. I am a 5'2" pasty white woman. We are practically twins “ (page 110).
I bought this book because after the 2016 election, I really, really needed a laugh, and this book delivered that, tenfold. Highly recommend.
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I Love You Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone edition by Dawn Weber Humor Entertainment eBooks Reviews
Well what can I say about this book? Dawn Weber NAILS parenthood, life in a small town, and every conceivable way to say "scratches his balls". What more could you possibly want in a book? It's also easy to read, snort-inducingly hilarious, and scarily accurate.
But seriously, she does get serious...the last essay, the epilogue, is a tear-jerker. And with the very recent loss of her daughter, the "Princess", Dawn was unknowingly extremely omniscient about what we feel for our loved ones...."Then there were two, which led, of course, to three and four. I know those numbers will someday, hopefully years from now, go backward--four, three, two, one--and I love you. Now go away will become I love you. Please don't go."
Write on, Dawn, small white woman. We love that you say what we are all thinking. And that the Princess lives on in your heart, and in this book, forever.
It's not every day a good friend gets her book published. AND it's not every day, in that said book, she mentions one of the best days of your life. However, it WAS the day that humorist/columnist Dawn Weber, haphazardly mentioned she's pissed off at me for my best day! (Not really...I think.) ) Talk about a plot twist!
Weber's hilarious book is not your typical humor book because it reads like an anthology of short essays; but thankfully it's all her style, infused with foul odors, dripping with sarcasm, and sprinkled with her sense of naughtiness! Now that's my kind of recipe for a page turner that makes the drop off line at school finally tolerable. I would highly recommend this gem to anyone who has short moments in their day, where they want to be entertained! **may need to check with physician before reading if you have leaky bladder or bulging hernias.**
Dawn Weber has a magical way with terse, rapid-fire humor. Even though I'm not a wife or mom, so much resonated with me - gaining weight and losing height over time, the unpleasantness of the female exam, sitting next to creepers who divulge inappropriate amounts of information, failed camping trips intended as relaxing getaways, and much more. The author's humor is readily accessible and extremely sharp. I'm in awe. She sugarcoats nothing. Yet her openhearted dedication to family weaves the chapters together. I laughed out loud several times per page. I Love You. Now Go Away is a playful, quick read. Weber's ability to mock herself, and family life, rivals that of the best humorists. I'd call her a modern day Erma Bombeck, and I would not be exaggerating. I love I Love You. I hated to finish it, and I'm unable to put it away. It's worthy of many a revisit.
I literally laughed out loud while reading "I Love You Now Go Away..." The author takes those normal, every day situations that happen in a family and on the job and shapes them with her own hilarious perspective. Take her dog, the "Meth Lab." We've either had a pet like the Meth Lab or we know someone who has one. As Weber writes it, they can eat from a cat litter box but "explode from both ends when they have an expensive butcher bone" and when you "tell her to get a stick she will bring you a mid-sized maple tree."
Weber's report on buying and then cooking a filet mignon from a dollar store and "Apparently, Word of My Many Charms Has Spread to the Ukraine" are two other personal favorites. But, to be honest with you, I loved the whole book which I read over the course of one day because I couldn't put it down. The only other humor writer who can command my attention like that is David Sedaris.
"I Love You" is a breath of fresh air - I recognize my life in every page, and what's better than a good laugh at yourself? I'll tell you what a good laugh at your spouse and/or offspring! My husband read several of the short chapters and laughed heartily. I read one of my favorite chapters - #21 Just Bought Filet Mignon at the Dollar . Will Report My Findings - to my 86-year-old mother and we laughed until we cried! I read this book in an airport and thank God I'll never see any of the people ever again...tee hee! I tried to sneak and read it at work, but I kept waking up my cranky cube-mates with loud guffaws.
I could go on and on, but I'll conclude with two of my favorite lines from Dawn Weber's wildly funny masterpiece
"Ah, middle age. Wrinkles and acne - a double delight!" (P. 134)
"Pants. Those sons-a-bitches." (P. 153)
Delight yourself and buy this book!
Review I Love You. Now Go Away Confessions of a Woman with a Smartphone, by Dawn Weber
Funny. Charming. A little naughty (Chapter 55 "There's an app for that. Yes, That."). A little nice (Chapter 7 "Love Stinks. At Least, Ours Does.").
Readers — especially moms — will identify with Dawn Weber’s existential and hilarious angst as she blogs us through the diary of a not-so-mad Midwestern housewife who really only wants some alone time, wine, and chocolate. Uniquely written on a smart phone in quick-take chapters, this book is a must for anyone who needs a laugh that can be gotten while stuck in traffic, or waiting for food in a restaurant.
Some of my favorite parts? Parts that actually made me laugh out loud?
"As much as I grouse about putting on pants and a bra, driving to the office and sitting in my cubicle every day, there were times I worked much harder for far less pay. Far, FAR, less pay. I refer to those times as the 80s“ (page 121).
"I borrowed his umbrella., broke it, then stuffed it back in his drawer. I figured he wouldn't notice. My buddy Al -- it was his umbrella. Al is my coworker, a 6'4" black man. I am a 5'2" pasty white woman. We are practically twins “ (page 110).
I bought this book because after the 2016 election, I really, really needed a laugh, and this book delivered that, tenfold. Highly recommend.
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